every once in awhile, I feel utterly lost in a life that i am not sure is mine. I feel like I have a lump caught in my throat that no matter what I do, I cant swallow it. Why? I have plenty of people who love me and I have seen and done more in the short time I have been here than most people. So what is missing that is making me feel this way. Every time that i try to figure it out I feel like running away. Disappearing to where no one can find me. Just taking a step back from it all. And the problem is I dont know what i want from life, or actually I know what i want I just dont know how to obtain it. I know what would make me happy forever! In almost every way in life. At least I'd like to think that i do. But in the end I am at a loss as to how to obtain anything. I suppose that i am not the only one who feels this way but it is hard not to feel alone at times like these. I keep thinking that if i just go to sleep, i will wake up tomorrow and have it all worked out. But that never happens. I have been a mess for the last year and I am tired. I have no motivation to get organized. I need to find my motivation.

Someone talk to me.

Sometimes it is a bit hard to be in here(Cedra). Alone. Reading. Watching movies I have seen a thousand times. And I dont even really have my phone cause it is dying and I dont have a charger(thanks Liam). But at least this money will get me ahead of the game again. With a bit of money saved and not worrying about bills so much. Plus, I have Friday, on which I am heading to see Kimmie, to look forward to. Margaritas in Mexico, beach time(as long as it's sunny, hell even if it's not, i love the beach). And my friend I hardly get to see. I hate making the drive alone and at the same time I love it. Ok I better go. I am rambling and who reads this anyway?

Its storming outside. I love that sound.

I am trying not to hard to ponder things that are impossible.
But on a great note. I love Austin and music. Today I got into a private event held by the BBC and heard so much awesome music for about four hours. The final band was Snow Patrol!
Everyone around me was British or in a band. What a fantastic day. I want to buy a wristband next year and take the week off of work. mwah.

What am i doing? Accckkk, i dont know. When did I lose track of myself? When? I need to put my head back on.
And get out this weird mode that i am in.
This week at work is going to be a bit insane. Double after double for me. Till saturday. Save Save Save, that is what i need to start doing. I'll start by spending more time at home.

The most important thing we can do in life is to feel. As much as you possibly can. Let down walls and feel. Weither or not the feeling are happiness, anger, sorrow, they are still feelings. And we have them. What if this is it? Our only chance, One chance to experence and feel as much in life as you can. Should we fear what may come later, if we feared loss, would we ever find love. And if we feared life would we really live. I believe that fear alone could ruin a man and keep them from really living. And i want to experience everything. Without sorrow, we would never know joy.