Happy Birthday to My Lil sister!

Love You Tons!

"...and I still miss someone."

This land is our land

So i have made my big decision as to where to go for the summer. I am not going to leave the US this year. I will be heading out west. Stopping everywhere along the way. Me and my dog. I realize after leaving the country so many times, that I dont really know it here that well. Unless you count the huge state of Texas. Plus, I love camping and this way I can do alot of it. Vegas, the Redwoods, the wine country, the ocean, Baha, olympia national Park, the Grand Canyon, Colorado, the dessert, and so much more. So there you have it folks...I better start saving away.

I dont mean to gripe or bother...but i am really tired of being sad. I had just started to come out of one slump knowing that everything in life happens for a reason, people make mistakes, choices, love, and forgiviness are all we have, and Hey girl it is time to move on and be happy. And then BAM more things in life to make me sad. I am on the road to recoverey and so is my father but please maybe for the rest of the year at least until after my birthday...seriously no more.

It's getting better all the time.

Well, my dad is awake and appears to be doing well. Better than expected...he is still on meds and forgets alot of things...but has still got his long term memory. Hopefully the short term will recover fully when he is off the medication. His is going to start physical therapy tomorrow.
He really wanted a Dr. Pepper today but the doctor's orders are no caffiene. The nurse told us if they had made a caffiene free DP then he could have it, but they dont...but ever the arguementative one, and way too persistent, I went looking for It anyways...and was all too happy to discover that yes they do make caffiene free DP...so now my dad has his Dr Pepper. And I still have my dad. Things are certainly looking good. Don't forget to tell those you love that you love and appreciate them. Happy Thanksgiving Everyone. Lots of love from my end.

And as soon as I finished writing this post, headed downstairs to watch the game, Roxy my dad's girlfriend called. My dad had a heart attack today and is in ICU. I can't go visit him tonight because his doctor would like us to wait till the morning. I am worried, scared, lost, lonely, and completely helpless to it all right now. I just hope that he is going to be ok.

Time capsules...

It is possible to email yourself 20 years in the future...What would you say to yourself 20 years senior. Funny thing about the future...you have absolutely no idea what is actually going to occur...an hour from now or 10 years from now. Anything and everything is possible...Where will I be On November 20th 2025? Will i be sitting on a beach somewhere writing a letter home, at home with the person I love, will I have children, will i be alone, Will I actually become a teacher, or will i find in my travels that i want to live in India, or Ireland, or Spain, or Chile. I have absolutely no idea...nothing is concrete. Not tomorrow or the next. I understand having life goals, but that does not mean that everything we want will happen the way we want, exactly as we had planned...nothing in my life so far is how I had it planned when I was fifteen and I am sure that it will be the same when I am 35, 45 and so on. But that means that i can enjoy every day and every moment for what it is and hope that i will always be happy no matter what may happen.

Walk the Line

This movie was really amazing...I suggest that if you have not already made plans, that you do so. I really loved it. And hope that you do too. PS...afterwards head to Mean Eyed Cat and play all the Johnny Cash you can.

How peaceful life can be...

Yes, that it can. I am doing incrediably well lately...no surprises, no mistakes, and still no awkward moments. Today was a comfortable day at work, a moment to hug my dog, a nice conversation with a friend about travel and the future, and a quiet moment to myself. Tonight was just A tribute party to Jeff Buckley, Great Music Included, A fabulous bottle of wine, and some nice company to boot.
On a slightly different note...I hope sincerely that i find someone who will cherish me for who I am, be it traveling with me(which I'd prefer) or me going it alone if that is what it takes...I hope...I hope...I hope to find what it is that I am seeking...I will find the love I deserve and give the love that is deserved, Shall it only be that simple. I know that it is.

Who else would you want to cuddle with while you read Harry Potter?

One of the best sunsets ever...for many reasons.

This is the best I can do...liam will not sit still for a photo...i need to hire a professional.

Extreme Homework.

I have successfully made it though another weekend of extreme homework. I only got to watch the end of the cowboys game on Sunday(Yay!) because of it. I had to write a resume, do a take home quiz,, write a paper and a job interview presentation ...but i accomplished it all. And I am feeling pretty good about myself. I Start my new (second) job tonight ( or I train) hope it goes well. But I dont have class on thurs. so hooray. I feel quite a bit less stressed at the moment and the New puppy is an angel...ok not really but he is cute. I do feel it is time for the girls to get together and do each others hair...ok not really but we do need to hang out.

coffee sometime?

Sooo...One of the guys that Heather and I partied way too hard with in Cartagena, Colombia this summer is now in LA hanging out with TJ(another guy we partied way too hard with) and now he has decided to head to Austin on his way back to Argentina(On a motorcycle). SO I have so graciously offered to show him Austin, Hopefully with Heathers help. HE has also informed me that he is going to try to get TJ to join as well. Could be fun...hope i have time to show him around. I love the fact that i Now have friends scattered about the globe...Venezuela, Argentina, Isreal, Ireland...the beauty of traveling.

New dreams for old.

What is new! I got a puppy. His name is Liam(he is absolutely adorable). Bobby(my cat) doesnt seem to mind him too much. Heres hoping. Dont forget to go Vote everyone! Seriously.

If I had a world of my own...

I wouldnt change a thing.

"Lightning strikes, maybe once, maybe twice, and it lights up the night..."

Today.

well today was for going to school, fixing the fence in the backyard with Laurie(my new roomate, how exciting) so the dog cannot escape. Finding out that unless I go to the courthouse, in 25 or so days, I cannot not get a payment plan on the Two, count em, Two moving violations that I owe A total of $250 dollars on. NO payment plan, unless I talk to the Judge. And even then no guarantees. Damn. I will never have that and the loads of other bills by Dec. It may be time for a second Job. But where?
Laurie and I also went running and now I am eating Ramen, yes people, because right now i Seriously cannot afford much more than Ramen and pb and j. Except for the fact that i am broke things are actually pretty great right now. As long as I do not let the whole money thing get me down, my life is really good... I am happy, even eating Ramen.
Plus, tonight i get to hang out with Laurie, Scott, and Carlos(who I have not seen in forever) and possibly Alex, who can always make me laugh...so that is really exciting.

I Think its over.

I think. So I have had the most stressful time of my life recently. I have broke down into tears at least once a day for the last month or so. Money, Relationships, Life has just not been so great for me lately. I have been walking around looking at my shoes for quite some time. I have not wanted to ask for help because that is not what i do. I just kind of keep it all in while it screws me up more and more. Finally, yesterday I had to give in. I called my grandmother, in tears, and asked for some help. I hated to have to do this, but realized that it was my only way out. Hopefully this will help me in more ways than one.
This morning i got an email that made me cry again, but in a great way...it was my grandfather...he told me not to worry that it would be ok...and that he and my grandmother are still very proud of me.
I realize that it is in the hardest times of our lives that those who truly love us will let us know how much they care.
I have felt really lost in a lot of ways lately but I know that I am going to be OK. As much as i have said it lately, I am really starting to believe it. It is going to be alright. I still have not gotten past the crying but i will.
I needed this maybe...no I didnt, but i can try to believe that if I want.
Good Things...Laurie is moving in. My ex and I finally have an agreement. My Sister is moving in with her boyfriend(i wish her the best). I can pay my bills, for now. And I have plenty of people who love me and that i love.

When we were fab.

ok... A. I need to listen to more Audioslave...a band i have not given enough attention to... B. I love the fact that i am getting to old to party...I spent this evening at Scott's party and stood in the kitchen with the girls drinking coffee. Ha we are like old ladies. But i had a great time. Laughing. Melanie's costume was freakin hilarious too. She was Katie Holmes, complete with scientology book, huge rock, and pregnant. Funny. Check out her blog if you want to see photos.
Ahhh fab evening. Night.