Some days i have a great deal of trouble getting through...not to say that today has been diffucult but often I find myself in self destruct mode, where I am not sure what is wrong with me. It's like a scene from When Harry Met Sally, "What is wrong with me, why didnt he want to be with me(sob, sob) .." etc. etc.
I have such huge, gigantic, walls up at this point that I wouldnt know how to begin to let someone in. I just dont want to go on a date...and i have been asked, It seems that, a bit here lately, I have been bombarded with possibilities and I dont care. I just shrink back into my comfy little shell that i have created for myself and hide. Why am I hiding. Why do I feel bad about myself. Maybe I wont when I meet the right person, Right, is that it? OR maybe I will and I will never even know what I missed out on. I want to be alone but at times it is, well, lonely. And other times, or should I say most of the time it is, well, not. What am I getting at? I have no idea to say the least. I think I am a good person. I believe that when I love, I give it my all. And somehow I always give my all to those who arent really giving back.
Is it that I have yet to be with someone who is strong enough to be with me. Or am I the one who isnt strong enough? And at the end of the day why do I care about any of this. What am I trying to figure out. I'm not really trying to figure myself out. Maybe I am trying to figure out how others percieve me and why anyone would like me. I know why I like myself but I am not sure anyone else really sees the me that I like. did that make any sense?
Maybe what I am saying is when do I get to meet my Harry? "I'm going to be fourty" "Someday"
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
3 comments:
introspection. always an interesting time. you, molly, are by no means alone or abnormal when it comes to looking inward and wondering all those questions you asked...
I think they are pretty standard...especially when we get to be around this age. and by "this age," I mean, "old enough where people start wondering why we aren't married and having babies." To those folks, I say, SCREW YOU! ;-)
worry not. walls come and go, but deep down, molly, your big heart is the same with or without the walls.
Walls shmalls..
Just say your "WTF" and shrug..
Introspection is indeed an interesting time. Although sometimes your mind needs a break from all the tormented thinking. I think you handle that well with the way you are trying to get out and about. Just remember to balance the 2. (I need less 'out and about', you need less thinking! =] )
If you dont feel like going on a date, i imagine theres good reason behind it, though you may not be able to figure it out. I know damn good and well FINALLY why i dont want to do some things i think i should be doing. Go with your gut, when you meet your Harry, im sure you'll be up for going on a date with him!
Post a Comment