Why must we find those little things when we were doing so well? It is someone's way of being funny. Ha ha, oh you think you are ok, well then let me remind of things you are trying to get over. Ha ha. You thought you had destroyed all the evidence...do a little cleaning and you will realize it takes years to destroy all the evidence. Damn tiny birthday cards. Ha ha whoever you are...you are so freakin funny.

ooh scary movies

After an extremely long day of work and more work i got to take a much needed evening with the girls.
We spent most of the evening and all of this morning watching really really bad horror flicks and yelling at the television. Why are people in these movies so extremely stupid and why are we dumb enough to sit glued to the tube yelling obsenities at them. Because it is histerical. Nights like these I absolutely love; hot chocolate, bad movies, and great company. At least it gets my mind off the thousands of thoughts I have going through my head at this point. At least I am not confused anymore. I am just taking my time and living.

Yet another Horror-ay for girl day!

Maybe?

It may be possible that tonight i have finally taken a step foward. I hurt. But i have finally begun to accept the things that I have been given and not given in my life. I know what it is that i deserve and i know what it is that i want. But, How do we know when to give up the fight; somethings we want just may never be right. It is finally accepting this fact that somehow we let go. We move on. How do we know when the time is right for this? We just do. Somehow we know where to head in our lives even if it is not what we had planned all along. As long as we are not second guessing ourselves then we have truly made our hearts decision. Somehow I will get to this place that i am supposed to be going and those that truly love me will still be there along side.

Ghandi

"A coward is incapable of exhibiting love; it is the prerogative of the brave."
Ghandi

Ahh Latin America.(Moved)

Ahhh Latin America.
Where throwing away trash within feet of a trash can is completely acceptable behavior.
Transporting your live baby pigs in the cargo area of the bus is the way to go.
Where you still fill your car up with gas with the engine in idle.
Where it is common place to see someone walking around selling the much needed travel items such as: underwear, socks, lamps (why not), and the ever essential two pens and a wallet.
Where people still understand the normality of being able to casually bribe the police officers.
Mmmm...eating cute but delicious little Rory the guinea pig.
Having the option to nonchalantly relieve yourself in the middle of the street, gentlemen...ahhhh.
Where you understand why the bus driver needs to stop every hour of so to chat on the park bench with his buddies or grab a snack...while the entire bus waits patiently sitting and/or standing.
The best mode of transportation: loading the entire family; mom, dad, and all three kids onto the family moped.
The second best: being able to fit the entire family, immediate and extended, in the back of your shortbed pickup, complete with mattress, for a saturday at the beach. Yayyy.
The reasons why we love it sooooo much.

To know Me(repeat)

i love to be alone. i should spend more time alone. i should spend less time alone. Books. i love to read. i need to read more. i need to read more books with substance. i need to only read what i love. i dont understand why people litter. i used to like smoking. i am glad i quit smoking. i like beer. i think drinking alcohol is silly. i dont want to have regrets in my life. i dont. i have tons of illusions. i love to travel. i miss my home and my friends when i am traveling. i miss traveling when i'm at home with my friends. i talk too much. i am too loud. i love being loud. i annoy myself. women annoy me. men annoy me. i love my friends. i am glad i have my friends. i dont like "girlie" girls. i love girl days. i like myself. i know what i want out of life. i know i may never have what i want. i will still try to get what i want. somehow i will get what i want. i love music. i adore the beach, the smell, the sound, the sand(yes the sand), the peace. i like poetry. i like to write poetry. i am not good at writing poetry. i want to be good at something. i am good at most things i attempt. i dont always attempt everything i want to. i should. i am going to. i know what it feels like to be in love. i know what it feels like to really be loved. i hope i may feel that again. i know how it feels to get hurt. i dont ever want to hurt anyone. i already have. i hope i never do it again. i come off too strong. i am not really bitchy or mean. i feel like people see me that way. i dont want people to see me that way. i hope that people dont see me that way. i hope people know that i am a nice person. does it matter if everyone knows that? i always try to do things to help others but never anything that anyone notices. i never thought i was pretty. i think people are strange. i think i am strange. i like being strange. i dont like whatifs. i wont ever wonder what if. i do what makes me happy. i am not always happy. i am happy right now. some people are convinced they know me. they dont really know me.

woohoo!

All i can really say is that KINGS OF LEON where absolutely awesome last night. I love going to their shows, everyone is dancing, singing, and smiling. I had an amazing time. Honestly all I can say is that they Rock...I love rock and roll...ahhhh music.

These nights out are scaring me.

So even when i think that we could never top the lunacy that is John, Laurie, and I, i am proven wrong.
Last night was another story to tell in our continuing saga. It may have started out a bit slow, eating pizza and watching football, but somehow it again kicked up into a free fer all of fantastic freakin fun! Camera included, we tore through downtown and were even introduced to Wilmer Valderama( aka Fez) who was doing Kareoke at Beerland. His bodyguard bought us all beers. The pictures from the evening are still making me lose it. When animals attack...Where is the fountain...oh no its a air unit...and Glamour shots by Deb(thanks Mel)...oh and dont forget the Ace of Clubs mysteriously on the ceiling.... I am afraid that one day we will not be able to top the last time. When are you having to much fun?

The way we love each other.

After my girls left me, at Gingerman last night, i sat quietly, sipping my wine and really trying to take it all in. I listened to my music on the jukebox finish playing. And i thought...I am really happy with my life and the decisions that i have made. If only my girls and i could find someone who appreciates us the way we do each other. I dont think that it is impossible. I just believe that it may be harder than we thought it would.
And keeping it wont be easy...because both people have to be trying. Really trying. Which ever road i take though i know i will be happy. Because that is what i want most in life, for me and those i love to just be happy. Last night, we happened to discuss...If you cannot have what you want, then would you just settle for what comes close? The key word here for me is Settle...does anyone want to settle...is a relationship that important in life to settle. I dont think so. I would honestly rather be alone than to settle for something that isnt making me happy. For some settling maybe the way to go...a fear of spending the rest of your life ALONE...ooh scary isnt it. Not for me. I will always have friends and I will always have myself and hopefully one day I wont have to settle. The man that i want to share my life with and am happy with will be there on the same page.
*sigh* If only we could find someone who appreciates us and loves us, the way we do each other.

It has been decided...

night lights should be an essential household item...and yet i dont have any. I should fix this, and i will no longer need to blindly stumble through the house at night. I know...you say, turn on a light but sometimes an overhead light is just too much, like the sunshine when you have spent an entire night drinking. Anyway, i am going to invest in some night lights.

Unicorns are pretty cool.

jinkies, i am so freakin tired. One more double...it will only be the fourth in Four days. 8 shifts in four days! Who are we kidding? I am Tired. Need money. need sleep. pudding. applesauce. so tired. must sleep. Magical dreams of marshmallow lollypops.........................................

Im a little lost

I have been spending an awful lot of time around people and yet i still feel very alone. Even when i am with them. Dont get me wrong everyone is great. I am just...well... not, so to speak. I am still trying to figure a lot of things out about me. And the closer I think i have gotten...the more alone i feel. I know i will get through this time...but it makes me want to spend a whole lot more of my time by myself. Which has become the new plan of action. I am even going to go to see Kings of Leon by myself next week, and that is the way that i want it. I just need....me...i think to get through and no one else.

yay for girl days

I have had the most wonderful girl days in the past few weeks. I am so glad that i have the girlfriends that I do. And i honestly appreciate every new one that i recieve. Ladies, i dont know if you used to despise women as much as i used to, until one day i found a really great one. Then i moved here to Austin and found Laurie and Melanie. I am constantly making more. One day you seem, or at least i did, to realize that women really understand you. And you need people in your life that understand you. Someone you can go to when you have a problem and the last thing they want to do is FIX it...they will just listen until you figure out a way to fix it on your own. And no matter how many times you make the same mistakes...they will pick you up when you fall...All these and more are the reasons that i Absolutely Adore my girlfriends. I know they will always be there for me. And i just want to say thank you.